Where do I begin?

Hi, my name is Morgan. Is that even how I start this? I’m new to blogging but I decided to create this blog as an outlet and to share my story. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age 23, after being committed to 3 different mental health hospitals over the course of just 5 months. It has taken a while for me to come to terms with my mental illness. I was confused for a very long time, feeling self pity. Like why me? I had a successful career, good friends, a loving family, and I had just met the man of my dreams. Really, why now? why me?? My life took such an abrupt turn down such a dark, scary, unknown path. It has been, by far, the most challenging, traumatic, painful journey that I have ever endured. It felt never ending. I had done so much damage, physically and emotionally, to the ones I loved most during my manic episodes that I was scared of myself. I was ashamed of who I was. Even after the the right medications were finally found and I began to stabilize, I still felt lost. I was searching for an explanation for why I was having these overwhelming mood swings and losing control of myself. I wanted to know why I was chosen for all of these terrible things to happen to. I was scared of a label that I felt would change who I am, and how others perceive me. My family and fiancé (now husband) have been extremely supportive throughout everything, and I have a wonderful psychologist who I see weekly, but I still felt alone. After a while, I turned to the internet to try and find some tips or extra help. The blogs and stories that I came across truly inspired me. I found that there were so many people out there that I could relate to. It opened my eyes to hundreds of people that are fighting their own battles with mental illness, just like me. I wasn’t some freak of nature. I got that final push I needed to tell myself that I am not going to let my illness dictate how I live my life. I am still rebuilding, but I am proud of who I am becoming as I learn to forgive and accept myself. I believe that I am rebuilding myself to become even stronger than I was before. I still have bad days, I find myself losing patience with my recovery, wondering why I am not magically better now that it has been a couple weeks. But, I have to remind myself to stop counting the days and allow myself the time to heal. I will become stronger than my struggle, and I want to help others do the same. No one should have to worry about the ‘label’. I find it so bizarre how, in this world, if you have cancer, you go through chemotherapy; if you have diabetes, you take diabetes medicine. But, as soon as you are diagnosed with a mental illness and have to take medication for your mind, there’s such a stigma behind it. There are millions of people who live with mental illness, the issue is other people’s ignorance.

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10 thoughts on “Where do I begin?

  1. I know it is early days, Morgan, but what a great start you have made to deal with what must have been a traumatic diagnosis. My awareness of my life long mental illness was more insidious and I have had plenty of ups and downs. That said, I think I have navigated it with as much strength and grace as I could muster and am still married to my husband after 34 years. It seems like it is only you, but 1 in 4 people will be affected by mental ill health in their lifetime. At the time I worked in the field, bipolar affected 1 in 200 people. A WordPress blog is a good place to blog – relatively anonymous and followers/readers are generally kind. Good luck and thank you for the follow.

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  2. Thank you for the kind words! The onset of my illness was so abrupt and overbearing that it took a little while for me to come to terms with it. I am happy to hear that you have had strength and grace in your journey. I hope to stand strong that way! It most certainly does feel as if you are alone, especially when you are surrounded by people who don’t truly understand the struggle. Educating myself on mental illness and opening up to other people who can relate has definitely helped me. My goal is to be able to share with others what has helped me. I look forward to reading your blog!

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  3. I feel honored to read such brave and open words! You have gone through so much. Who knows why we go through what we go through, but I’m glad you are sharing about it here. We are fortunate to hear your story. Blogging is a wonderful thing for those of us who’ve gone through/are living with mental health challenges.

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    1. Thank you so much for the kind words! I read a lot of blogs when I was trying to get through some of the hardest times so I wanted to find a way to try and give back by speaking out. I agree that blogging is a great outlet, it reminds us that we are not alone 🙂

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      1. This is definitely a wonderful way to give back! Blogging has helped me so much. I had no idea what an amazing community of people there are blogging about mental health. I was blown away. Because in real life it’s harder to be so open and meet people who are willing to talk about it.

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